1985-1987

Fifteen year old punker Me was sitting on the floor in the hallway at school talking to a friend. I said something like 'Everyone in this school is just so BORING!' A teacher I didn't know was passing at that moment. He turned to me and said 'YES! They're all so BORING! Liven this place up! Make it exciting!' And walked off.

It was so unexpected. My entire experience of teachers from junior high on- and most of my experience of adults generally- was exactly the opposite to this. I always felt like I was on the verge of getting into trouble with adults. I was too loud or too weird or too unruly or too clever or not clever enough. I was always walking too fast or too slow or reading too much or not enough. My grades were never good enough. My performance was never good enough. I was always just too much of something bad.

This guy was different though. Every other teacher would have tried to shut down my rebelliousness, maybe telling me I was rude or telling me to get up off the floor or otherwise just telling me (again) that I was doing something wrong. With those few words though, this guy opened up my horizons. He had told me to be more Me.

On the first day of school the next year, I walked into my American History class and there he was again, Mr. Miernicki. Right away he became my favourite teacher. Eventually I felt like he was my friend.

He was younger than a lot of the other teachers, he was liberal, he was funny, he was very active in school life, he was one of the few teachers who was happy to be called by his nickname: Mern.

I don't remember loads of details from his American History class. I remember always being happy to go to it. He was fun and engaging and treated us like people. He didn't take any crap from kids who were disruptive or weren't interested in doing the work. American History was a required course and we'd have to pass it in order to get a diploma. Mern made it very clear he was there to teach, not to hold our hands. He made us understand that school was our responsibility.

I started to hang out in his class after school once in a while. We'd talk about music a lot. He introduced me to music from the 60s- I still remember him playing The Fugs’ first album for me which included songs such as "Slum Goddess", "I Couldn't Get High" and "Boobs a Lot" (he'd probably be reprimanded for that these days)- I'd play him whatever I was into at the moment. I probably talked too much about song lyrics. And I probably bored him talking about Rocky Horror, but he made me feel like he was interested in me and my life. I didn't feel like there were any other adults who were actually interested in Me.

I was generally finding it harder and harder to be a teenager. I felt very stifled. Suffocated. Every time I tried something new, something I was interested in, I was discouraged or even mocked by people who could have shown some support. Mern, however, was always positive about every weird new thing I did. For example, a friend of mine wanted to try out for cheerleading and asked me (not someone who was a cheerleader type) to do the workshops and try-outs with her for support. I did. We both made the squad. OK. So now I was a cheerleader, I guess! There are people in my life 40 years on who still ridicule me for being a cheerleader in high school. I've got two children - one is an adult - I've worked for almost every British tv company, loads of film companies, I've travelled the world, I’m a home-owner, I'm in my fucking 50s for goodness sake, but the fact I was a cheerleader in high school is still used to try and make me feel shit about myself...

Mern, however, thought that me being a cheerleader was great. He made me feel like ANYTHING I did was great because I was doing it. I was a cheerleader? Great! I pierced my nose? Wonderful! I shaved the sides of my head? Cool! He loved the weird clothes I wore to school. He loved it when I turned up at school with pink streaks in my hair. He just kept encouraging me to be more Me.

By the time I got to my final year of high school - during which I had Mern for my required 1/2 credit Government class - I was so far beyond wanting to get out of there (school, home, the city, state, country) that I was really unhappy. I'd worked out that after the first semester I'd have enough credits to graduate, so there was no reason for me to stay for the full year. I'd finish school halfway through the year and join the real world instead.

One day Mern asked me to come to his room after school. When I arrived he told me that my mother had got in touch with him and that she was worried about me and my friend group (the weirdo punks). I told him there wasn't anything to be worried about (I didn't tell him how unhappy I was at home) and asked him what he thought. Did he think there was anything about me that worried him? Nope. From where he was, he thought I was doing just fine. Good. That's all that mattered to me.

I was, however, struggling in my required Economics class. I just couldn't understand the subject at all. The teacher was a Republican and I- though I wasn't yet voting age - was very much NOT a Republican. The teacher also really didn't like cheerleaders. Those two things alone made that class tricky for me because he didn't hide his disdain for me and everything I stood for! I just didn’t understand the subject and for the first time ever in my school career was about to fail a class. As this was a required class, failing wasn't an option. I already had a plane ticket to London booked for a week after the first semester ended. I had to pass this class. I talked to the teacher and he agreed that if I did a bunch of extra credit work (eg essays on the topic), that he would bump my grade up to a passing mark.

I really only had a few weeks left of the term to finish these essays. It was stressing me out. One day I decided that I'd skip school and go to the university library instead to spend the entire day finishing up these papers. I hadn’t skipped school before, but this was important. So, I left home as usual, arrived at the university first thing in the morning and spent the entire day researching and writing. It was exhausting, but I felt great. I was sure that I was going to pass Economics and be able to graduate and then get the hell out of there in a few weeks.

At the end of the day, I popped into school to drop off the work I'd done with the Economics teacher. Mern saw me in the hallways. 'Where were you today?!' '...uh.' 'Your mother was at home today. She was there when the school called.' Fuck. I told him about Economics and the extra credit and how I'd spent the whole day at the university library working on extra credit to try and pass the fucking class. He believed me. He said quietly 'Just try and get a note for tomorrow.'

I got home. My mother was there... She was (obviously) angry with me. I told her about Economics class and how I didn’t understand it and how the teacher hated me, I told her about needing to do extra credit, I told her that I was at the university library all day, I told her I'd dropped all my work off at school... and begged her to please write me a note for the next day. She could say that I was asleep in a different room and she hadn't seen me in my room and assumed I wasn't there. I remember saying 'They don't know how big our house is! It's possible!!' (We lived in a small house. There were, however, kids at my school who lived in literal mansions with elevators and grand pianos and separate buildings on their grounds with separate living quarters and I'd been to a bunch of them. Their living rooms were the same area as our entire house OF COURSE someone could be hidden in a house like that.) I just needed a note from her so that I could just pass this damn class.

She wouldn't write me a note.

The next day at school I was kicked off the cheerleading squad. Any homework that had been due for any class on the day I'd been absent couldn't be accepted, so I'd get an 'incomplete' which would affect my final grade. The Economics teacher technically wasn't supposed to accept the extra credit work I'd given him. I told him what I'd done and begged him to just take the work today instead, just pretend I hadn't given it to him the day before. I just needed to pass the damn class. In an entirely unexpected change of heart, he'd agreed to pass me.

I went to Mern's class after school to talk about everything. He'd told me that there wasn't anything he could do to help me out. He told me that I'd been dumb (I should have made sure my mother wasn't staying home!), but he also understood completely why I'd done it. I told him that I couldn't wait to leave - school, my home, the city, the country. I just wanted to be gone. I didn't 'learn a lesson' from it other than everyone is shit and Economics is shitter. He told me that everything would get better for me after I was out of school. He knew I had a lot to give the world and that I didn't have much longer until I could start living my life. I just needed to hang in there for a little while longer. He was the only adult that seemed to get me.

The next few weeks of school limped on. I felt awful and don't remember much other than going to my first and only formal dance at school with a few friends. I wore a red prom dress with my red Converse hi-tops underneath. We left the dance early (the music was awful) and instead went to an industrial music gig downtown in our formal gear.

The first semester ended. I said my goodbyes. I came to London. Travelled around the UK and France for several months, then went back for my graduation ceremony in June. At the end of the school day on my first day back, I went in to see Mern. I was wearing huge jeans cinched with a belt, Doc Martens and a black shirt buttoned up to the neck (all bought at Camden market). My hair was bleached blonde. I walked into his room and without a beat he said, 'Is that what they're wearing in London now?' I don't remember what we talked about - I probably told him about how cool London was and how I was going to Rocky Horror all the time... I just remember it felt like I was talking to a friend. He was my friend now. He wasn't my teacher.

And after that I started properly living my life. I came back to the UK and stayed. I'd see Mern once in a while when I was back and then I didn't seem him much and then I stopped going back.

These days Mern and I friends on Facebook. He's still happy. He's still not a fan of the Republican party. He's still really involved with the school. I've learned that I'm not the only one who valued his guidance and friendship when we were at school. He's been so important to loads of people.

But he's the guy who got me through my final year and a half of school that felt like ten. He made me feel like I wasn't just a dumb disappointment of a kid. He was an adult that made me feel like I was special and interesting and cool and capable. He made me feel that there would be a place for me in the world. He was right.

Thank you, Mern. You really helped me.

Mern and me in 1987, before I started living my life.