I realised a while ago that if I do an angry post about feminism in the UK - that is, a post about how stupid and illogical gender ideology is and how brilliant British women are for seeing it - it’s very popular and is shared around loads and I get a bunch of new subscribers here and on and on.
And I get it. I remember a decade ago when I too felt a frisson of excitement when a woman 'said the unsayable' about gender ideology. There were about 30 of us saying the unsayable back then - the rest of the world was either hostile, ignorant or totally blasé and couldn't understand why we thought this stuff was a big deal (you see now why we thought it was a big deal though, don't you...).
Back then, I could tweet about it and after dealing with an onslaught of hate, I'd get loads of new followers. That was brilliant!!! It still happens. And if I wanted to dedicate myself to chasing followers and getting likes, then I too could be someone who talks about nothing other than how stupid gender ideology is. I made a decision many years ago that I did not want to be that person. I didn't want to 'monetise' my thoughts and opinions about how stupid gender ideology is, I didn't want to be someone who turned up on tv shows or podcasts talking about how stupid gender ideology is. And let's be clear: it's fucking stupid... but I didn't want that to be my life. Why would I want to talk about dumb shit all the time?
And yet whenever I feel compelled to write about it - for example in the wake of the Cass Report - I get loads of new followers. And I find myself thinking that maybe if I write more angry posts about dumb shit and get more followers, then more people will read my posts on Dehumanisation or Fame or stuff about my Rocky Horror days or listen to my AWESOME PODCAST. All I need to do is get angry about stupid shit a bit more often and more people will see that stuff, right?
But...
I don't want to be angry.
I don't mean that there aren't a multitude of things going on in the world that are outrageous and rage-inducing, I just mean why the fuck do I want to read some bullshit that dumbass Billy Bragg has said and then get angry about it? Why in the world do I want that doofus in my mind? I don't.
I see so many people I know spending huge amounts of time getting angry at Billy Bragg (who is a dumbass), Jordan Peterson (who is a dumbass), Jolyon Maugham (who is a dumbass) and a seemingly endless stream of other dumbasses (who are all dumbasses), when they could be adding things to the world instead of just wasting their time reacting to dumb shit. When I go on Twitter and see someone quote retweet the latest stupid nonsense some dumbass man has said with a sarcastic or angry comment I just wonder why they are doing any of it. Why are they looking at what these arseholes are saying, why are they spreading it, why are they commenting on it??
If it's just to get more likes, more followers, more clicks... Oh kaaaaaay. You do you, but... meh.
Why do you think 'being angry' at idiots is helping anything? How does it help the world? How does it help you? If you are actually angry about something rather than someone, then do something to change that thing (and if you’re angry about someone, stop wasting your life). Volunteer your time with a charity or organisation that is already working on fixing that thing. Organise with others to do something positive to try and fix the thing. Donate money to people who are working to fix that thing. Why do you think doing an angry tweet or (oh my god it's so embarrassing, you're in your mid-50s ffs) an angry TikTok video is a good idea? How does that help anything? What is it adding to the world other than anger and rage?
I wrote this post about how to change your negative thinking a while ago and had a few emails from people telling me that they recognised themselves and their situation in it. Recognising the negativity- either in those around you or in your own thought processes - is a HUGELY important thing. You need to do that before you can move forward and remove it... but if you're spending 90% of your time online 'hate-reading' social media, you are going to have an extremely difficult time moving away from negativity generally.
This is the most important thing you can understand: You are only in control of yourself - what you think, what you say, how you feel, what stupid shit you do online. You cannot control what other people think, say or feel. I'm not going to say 'put down the phone and go touch grass' - though that isn't a terrible suggestion - but instead maybe you should do some different - positive - stupid shit online instead. If all you see when you're online is terrible, rage-inducing stuff so you think the world is full of terrible, rage-inducing stuff, You. Have. Done. That. To. Yourself. You've chosen to look at it, spend time on it, like it, comment on it, re-post it. You've trained your algorithm to spew crap at you. You've poisoned yourself.
It's pretty easy to change what you see online. If you are OBSESSED with being angry after seeing what Jordan Peterson has done today, block that fucker. Block him. You do not need to see him. The world is going to keep turning whether you see that shitshow or not.
1. BLOCK THE BULLSHIT.
If you've cultivated an online world full of people who re-post angry crap into your timelines all the time, you can either turn off their re-tweets on Twitter or simply just mute or hide them from your feed. Then wait a while and go have a look at what they're posting about in 30 days and then decide what to do after that. If you've successfully detoxed from anger in that time, you will have no qualms at all about unfollowing them.
2. MUTE AND UNFOLLOW THE BULLSHIT.
If you feel compelled to post 20 times a day about how this is shit or that is shit or 'have you seen what Jordan Peterson has said today????', ask yourself what you are getting out of doing that. You are not 'informing' people of anything- there are LOADS of others complaining about the exact same things. You are just one of a million boring people spreading negativity. So... what are you getting out of that? Why do you like to add negativity to the world? And if you pretend to dress it up as a 'funny quip' in order to try and keep the lid on the rage you are feeling, you're still adding negativity to the world. Again, why do you like to add negativity to the world? Answer me, damn it.
3. STOP POSTING NEGATIVE OR ANGRY STUFF ONLINE.
I get that this previous point is the tricky one. You are addicted to it. Yes, you are. You post something that some dumbassed arsehole has said and all of your misery-junkie followers like it and re-tweet it and tell you how great you are for sharing it and you get a little dopamine hit. That's just dumb, dude. Super pathetic and fucking dumb. Stop it.
4. STOP BEING DUMB.
You can do it. I have faith in you.
Start small. Remove some of the nonsense. Start the work of clearing up your online space. If you feel trapped in an online world where everyone around you is negative and you don't know what to do, try emailing an actual friend to arrange to do something in the real world that you don't normally do. Learn to do something you've always wanted to learn how to do. Start stretching in the mornings. Go for a walk. Go to the local pond and see if any babies have hatched yet. Yes, I could continue to list a whole bunch of other stuff you've read a million times before that is supposed to help you feel better. You already know what you're supposed to do.
5. START DOING THE GOOD STUFF.
This is your one and only life, people. Don't fill it with negative crap.
Oh wow! I feel seen 😳. To be fair the pockets thing was set up in positive spirit, but part of the job was getting into socials, and there are a lot of angry people out there. I know it's not good for me. Although someone lovely on twitter sent me books through the post to help me get through chemo, so it's not all bad
It's intellectual fast food isn't it? Easy and tempting and gives you an initial rush, but totally bad for you in the long term. Sadly Twitter has kinda self-optimized to become virtual McDonalds...