20 years ago, the worst thing I could say publicly was “I don’t believe in God.” Still, I said it because- after a lot of thinking about it, questioning it and laying it all out in front of me and looking at it logically- I don’t believe in God. Neither do I believe in any gods. It's pretty simple. I am an a-theist- I am without a belief in a god or gods.
20 years ago in America, atheists like me were so reviled, it was pretty common across the population to think that we shouldn’t even be American citizens. There was a study just over 10 years ago that showed that Americans find atheists so distrustful that out of various groupings of people based on behaviour or belief (eg ‘gay men’, feminists, Jewish people, Muslims), the only group less trustworthy than atheists were rapists. And still I publicly declared my lack of belief.
I upset a few family members who were disappointed, angry or shocked. One told me to never speak to her child again (I did. I still do.). These are people who knew me since I was a kid. They saw me grow up. They knew my character. They knew that I did well in school, did well in my work, never got into trouble with the law etc etc… but the announcement that I didn’t have a belief in a god or gods told them everything they needed to know about me: I was immoral, damned, going to Hell.
I met others who had been through similar experiences- after careful thought they realised that there wasn’t a supernatural being in charge of the universe and after stating this, friends and family members decided they were terrible, immoral human beings who should burn in the pits of Hell for all eternity. And even when you don't actually believe in Hell, you understand the intent behind those desires to see you tortured for your lack of belief.
All of these people without a belief in deities coalesced into a few different, fairly well-organised groups. Some were interested in the general idea of “believing in nonsense”- the Skeptics. Some were most interested in the pernicious effects of religion- the Atheists. Some were more interested in the more philosophical side of non-theistic morality- Humanists. There was a lot of crossover between these groups and it wasn’t unusual for someone to describe themselves as belonging to all three groups. There could be slightly antagonistic feelings between some groups- eg atheists thinking that the humanists were too close to “religion” for their liking or the humanists thinking skeptics were too harsh in their treatment of “believers”- but they all felt themselves to be ‘on the same side’.
I’ve always been wary of “belonging to a group”, so though I shared similar beliefs and aims, had friends in these groups and attended events organised by these groups, I never considered myself a member of any of them. Unlike me, several people I met in these worlds had come from religious backgrounds, many going through much harder situations with their religious family and friends than I went through when declaring their atheism. 20 years later, I know that some of them are still very upset and even traumatised by the responses they faced from their families. Some have found a way of maintaining a relationship with relatives who still believe they are evil and are going to Hell. Some have never been able to reunite with their family. A lot, however, have found that various friends and relatives have re-thought their own beliefs and accept that an atheist can be a good, moral, trustworthy person because they too have come to realise that they no longer have a strong (or any) belief in a god or gods.
I have never heard stories from atheists, skeptics or humanists of them receiving apologies from their previously fervently religious friends or relatives who cursed them, shunned them or cut them off. That doesn’t mean it never happens, but I suspect that, if there is a rekindling of a relationship at all, it happens slowly and subtly without any admission at all of “bad behaviour” from the religious person (side note: I personally saw this happen when a couple I know put their gay child through a kind of religious hazing type of conversion therapy… then a couple years later they just started to behave like they were ok with their child being gay… No apology. No admission that what they did was barbaric…)
And now all these years later some of the people I met from the atheist, skeptic and humanist worlds are holding sacrosanct a belief that I too held before I interrogated it: the belief that people can be born in the wrong body.
Just like with religious people I dealt with decades ago, they don’t seem to have a grasp on what they actually believe. Most don't seem to have studied their ideology or beliefs as much as many 'disbelievers' have. When you dig into what they think, even briefly, there are obvious contradictions and flawed thinking- eg “gender is a social construct” AND “gender is innate”.
Like with religion, gender identity ideology is trying to codify and legitimise (and legalise) comforting feelings. It is not simply that [for whatever psychological reason] a man feels “happier”, “more comfortable”, “more relaxed” when dressed in “women’s clothes” (not a big deal at all, like who cares what someone wears?), it is talked about as if it is a true, unchanging essence that exists within his body, but for some reason this essence ended up in the “wrong body type”. Luckily, all he has to do is declare his material body as one of the “correct body type” ie female- and crucially have this recognised by everyone else, including governments and institutions- and everything is fine.
Now…
Within this ideology, it isn’t just that *some* people have this “essence”- known as a “gender identity”- but everyone has one. Right away this sounds like the religious idea of a soul to me… “No! No! You’re wrong!” these seemingly former skeptics, atheists and humanists say, “It isn’t supernatural! It’s a social construct.”
Right. So, it's a social belief about what type of behaviour is acceptable for each sex, in other words 'sex stereotypes' and you think it's also some kind of innate thing because that sounds a bit, you know, sexist? "No! It's psychological!!!" these seemingly former skeptics, atheists and humanists say.
Ok. So it’s just a psychological issue or problem in some people then and I’m not expected to believe in it? “Yes! Yes! You must believe in it otherwise you are a bigot!!” these seemingly former skeptics, atheists and humanists say.
But if it’s just a psychological issue, why am I expected to believe it? I am not expected to believe in the validity of any other psychological belie- “No! Wait! It’s not psychological!! It’s science. Proper SCIENCE!” (apologies to my psychologist friends) these seemingly former skeptics, atheists and humanists say.
It’s science? Really? Show me. “[a lot of Gish galloping, albeit well-meaning, that is basically a lot of beliefs, sociology, stereotypes and talk about clown fish]. See? See??! It’s SCIENCE!!!” these seemingly former skeptics, atheists and humanists say.
But humans aren't fish and I don't have a soul, gendered or otherwise, and so- "It's not a SOUL! It's a 'gender identity' and even if you don't think you have one, YOU DO. And if you don't accept that, you are a bigot!!" these seemingly former skeptics, atheists and humanists say.
OK. So you are saying that there is something that humans are born with that isn't psychological, it is both a belief that our society holds and is innate ("even very, very special children can identify theirs!"), one can't test for it in any way, we simply have to accept it as truth when someone declares they have it, we are forbidden from questioning it, we mustn’t do any type of research on it whatsoever and opposing its use in the law and within institutions is a mortal sin and if we declare our disbelief in the idea of 'gender identity', we must be shunned, cut off and declared a persona non grata.
"Yes," these seemingly former skeptics, atheists and humanists say.
Based on all of my previous experience with 'believers', I will never get an apology from any of them. They might just slowly, quietly start to realise they've been conned... and that will be that.
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You may be interested in Helen Lewis’s Radio 4 programme The Church of Social Justice.
That pretty much sums up my thoughts on the matter quite succinctly. As a dyed in the wool atheist I would balk at the idea of a spirit, and would be in touch with like minded folk. Those very same like minded folk will quite happily go along with what appears to me (from the outside anyway) as a bizarre shared delusion. Scepticism and the glands that carry it... fully excised.
I don't understand how people insist that I must have this feeling that they have (the comment below is a prime example). It smacks of those religious types insisting "you might not believe you have a soul, but we and god see it". To make matters worse, there is a very clear push to obscure and obfuscate with poorly conduct pseudo-studies, inference based on lived experience, and weird correlations found or teased out of datasets that simply don't have the ability to support the claims being made. That so many are falling for it, just boggles the mind.
Thoughtful piece, and thanks for sharing it Gia.
Believing in god is very different from believing that other people believe in god. Believing in gender identity is also not the same as believing in other people when they tell you they have one and it might be at odds with our others see them. I agree with Luna that there are lacks in your arguments on whether gender identity exists or not, but ultimately that's irrelevant, no one is asking you to believe in it, you are being asked to accept those who do and want to act according to their belief. During Ramadan, my kids' friends who are Muslim are allowed to take time off school to pray, for example. I don't need to believe in any god to be fine with that. If people who don't believe in gender identity don't get in the way of those who do to act accordingly, I don't think anyone minds your belief and you might even find yourself having some interesting conversations about it. But many non-believers in gender identity are against basic rights for those who believe and suffer from that, and that is where the problem lies.